Monday, February 17, 2014

Peanut Economics: Hoisting Sails with the Notorious Pirate of the Dark Seas, Captain Peanut MacPumpkin

Hello my friends. I suppose you must have been wondering what had become of me since it has been nearly a year since my last post. So many things have happened within that time, I could hardly put them all to words, but I can assure you there have been a great many adventures during that time which I will share with you. There have been a few hardships and with such, I felt I needed a change, which brought me to my first great adventure of last year.

Being a pup of particular distinction and refined tastes, I tended to migrate to certain circles of society, as was expected of my breeding. I found however, that the habits of my youth were beginning to weigh me down. The pageantry, the grooming, the fluffy bedding, the daily brushing of my all began to wear upon me like a river upon sandstone. Rather than fall victim to a well-manicured melancholy, I traded in my hat of ribbon and lace for one with skull and cross bones.

I heard the sea calling to me like the voice of my mommy, sharp and sweet. It knew my name, and heard the longing in my heart. Its voice was full of promises. It told me adventure awaited me. How could I resist it? How could I say no? I answered the call back with a resounding bark. 

One cannot imagine the liberation I felt when I first held the stinky, sweat stained felt hat between my paws. Oh the ports-of-call this hat must have seen, the battles, the swashing, the buckling! I knew as I placed its well-worn rim upon my head, my life would be changed forever......and it was.
Now granted, it took some time for me to adjust to the smell of my nifty not so new pirate hat. I could only wear it in spurts until I could stand the stench long enough to gather my crew and head for the open waters. The cases of Febreeze I went through! But can't buy authenticity. It also can't buy a good dry cleaning. Phew!

I could taste the salt upon the air as I gathered my scurvy crew and headed for my ship, the Black Bunny. Don't let the name fool you. She was a fearful ship, run by an equally fearful crew. We hoisted the mizzenmast (whatever that is) and set sail for the dark waters, straight over Davy Jones' locker. Why Davy keeps his locker so far out to sea is beyond me but I guess it is as safe a place for a locker as I could imagine.

Oh the tails I could tell you of our voyages. They were reckless, daring days. We played spin the rootbeer bottle. We ate our meat with our bare paws. We sang raunchy shanties like 'How much is that doggie in the window?" We drank until we couldn't hold our water any more. We were dogs, and we liked it!

Such joys were not to be mine forever. Mischief and mayhem were to rear their ugly head upon my vessel just as sure as the sun rises in the east. There was a certain first hand named Fluffles MacFarlain who was green with envy on account of my fluffy tail. It shivered her timbers every time I walked into a room or walked out of it for all cutthroats were sure to admire my tail on account of its fluffiness. Fluffles couldn't take the competition and soon hatched a plan to take everything from me.

I knew she was jealous, but I wasn't sure how bad things had gotten until I found myself looking over my shoulder at the drop of a hat. In my line of work, there were a lot of hats, and they were prone to drop with a frequency that caused my head to spin thanks to Fluffles and her jealous ways. 

I should have dropped the lot of them and gotten a whole new crew when my suspicions were raised, but I ignored my gutfeeling thinking I had a worm or something. It was my first big mistake. My second was eating a clearance bean burrito from the taco seller on an island in the Caribbean, but that has nothing to do with this tail. Just remember, fresh is best. Now, back to my woes.

We had taken on water when we had struck a reef or something hard and pokey. We were forced to set anchor near a small island we thought was deserted. While I oversaw the repairs, my mutineers were putting in place the final stages of their dastardly deed. I was my trusting, unsuspecting cutthroat captain self, believing my crew had my back. 

Their first step was to foul my anchor, and boy did they ever! I had seen what they had done to the begonia bushes in the colonies. I knew their handiwork anywhere. Begonia bushes are one thing. I mean sometimes a pup has got to go. But an anchor? Who fouls another dog's anchor? It went against the code. Yes, even we scurvy naves had a code amongst each other, or so I had been brought up to believe, yet here was my anchor proving otherwise.

A terrible fight ensued. I gave no quarter to my enemies; nor did I give a nickle or dime. They deserved no such monies from me. I hit them with everything I had, and knocked the wind from their sails. You should have seen me. It was glorious, but sadly, I was outnumbered and found myself cornered in the crow's nest. I was given two options - surrender my ship or DIE!

Oh the horror of it all. MUTINY!!!! Thy name is cursed! I looked for any face that might be a friend to me and found none, but I was determined they would not take the Black Bunny from me. 

Never would I surrender my ship. Not so long as I wore the captain's hat upon my head would I ever even consider giving my precious, my lovely....

Oh blast those stiff winds! 

As I watched my treacherous crew sail away with my beloved Black Bunny, I gave one last act of defiance. Though they may not see the full measure of it, they would feel it where it mattered their dark souls. As the ship disappeared over the horizon, I turned from the dark water to explore the island that was my new reality.

As it turns out, we landed on a resort island, and I was able to get a job as a cabana girl, serving iced drinks to tourists. I made really great tips and didn't have to do any swashing or buckling either! 

Sometimes it pays to be flexible.

If you enjoyed this post, don't forget to join the site on the right, and please share the post with your friends. Hugs and snuggles! Love, Peanut Pumpkin Pie


  1. Oh my dear Peanut Pumpkin Pie, or should I say, Peanut MacPumpkin, you sure do tell one heck of a good tail!! Arrrrrr!! At least you can add "pirate" and "cabana girl" to your very impressive resume. Love you!! Pixel

    1. Arrrrr! Thank you me matee Pixel! That tis high praise indeed coming from such an accomplished pup. Always pleasure ta see ya! :o)