Peanut Economics: Rockin' N Rollin' With the Punches

Hi there friends! In 2013, I thought I would mix things up a bit and kick it old school in trying to find myself a means of employment. Last year's efforts were a bit of a let down, so I thought I would try out for something a little more traditional to help me bring home the bacon.

I decided I was going to join an 80's rocker band. It made perfect sense to me, and there seemed to be so many pluses to the career move. I made a mental list for myself to weigh all of the potential benefits.

1. Job security. You gotta figure, if a rocker hasn't disappeared into obscurity after twenty years or so, there's gotta be some kind of cool secret to their career longevity. 

2. Savings on hair grooming. Rockers NEVER cut their hair, or wash it very often, so I would save tons of money by not having to get groomed. There might be a small monetary offset on cans of hairspray and eyeliner, but hey, sometimes, it's a trade off.
3. Great singing talent is not necessarily a requirement. Apparently, when kicking it old school rocker style, the moniker 'if you can't sing good, sing loud' really can work for you.

The more I thought about it, the better I felt. I really thought I could do this. The big question though was what kind of rocker did I want to be? I tried to channel a little classic rock with Credence Clear Water Revival but found I didn't quite have the right sound for it.

Next, I gave my best rebel yell at the first white wedding I could find, but the ushers threw me out before I could even get to the chorus. Apparently, the guests were not a big fan of my rendition of Billy Idol.

I finally decided, if I was going to be a rocker, I needed to go all the way and commit myself to Rock And Roll All Nite! I kissed my good girl image goodbye and unleashed my Peanut Poison Pie...... rocker and roller of all things round and squeaky. Nothing could stand in my way!

I played HARD at all hours of the day and night.........the way a real rocker should.........and I didn't care what anybody said about it! Squeaka! Squeaka!

I even had the attitude going on....you know the one they say you hafta have as a celebrity rocker to help set you apart from everyone else?

I had the moves and the grooves on stage.....you know the kind that say 'look but you can't touch'....

They were great times, being on the road, unskinny bopping (whatever that means). It was what a Peanut Poison Pie rocker's life should be.....

But just as every rose has it's thorn, this rocker life of action was beginning to feel kind of empty for me, and I was starting to miss my mommy alot. She had always encouraged me to follow my dreams, but had always reminded me to stay true to myself in the process.

I realized as I squeaked my squeaky ball that life on the road as Peanut Poison Pie just wasn't for me. I liked being just plain old Peanut Pumpkin Pie, squeaking my ball with my nicely groomed hair.

I like being just plain me. I decided to hang my up hair and pass the flaming baton on to someone else.

It's not that there is anything wrong with being a rocker. It just wasn't a good fit for me. I guess I wasn't enough of a fallen angel. When the last song was sung and my shooting star landed, I picked up the phone and told my mommy I was coming home. I will always look back on my rocker days with fondness as a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but I will always be grateful for the decision I made to leave that rock and rollercoaster life behind.

It is so important to know who you are in your own heart; not based on how someone else defines you but on how you define yourself. People's opinions of you will come and go like the flashes from a pyrotechnic's flashpot. What you think of yourself is the thing that matters most. It is the opinion you will carry with you the rest of your life. As long as you know who you are and are happy with the person you see looking back at you in the mirror, nothing else matters.

Here's hoping that today when you look in the mirror, you love what you see. And don't forget to rock and roll with the punches!

Peanut Economics - The Shiver Me Timbers of Finding Square Fish!

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum raisin me maties! Shiver me timbers it has been a long time since my last post, but I have a mighty good excuse! I've been taking my fill of the salty sea air and trying my paw at commanding a vessel as a Gorton's fisherman.

Don't let the little duckies on my slicker fool you....it hasn't been all fun and ball games. Okay.... there were a few ball games, but even us crusty sailors need a break from time to time from the hard-driving grind of sea life.

At any rate ...... back to my salty fish tale. There I was, the great Captain McPeanut, tasked with finding a new source for the delectable flaky entree for the nummy blue and yellow Gorton's label .... but where does one find flaky square fish?

It was a challenge I was ready to take on, preservatives and all! Or my name wasn't Captain McPeanut!

My crew and I set off in search of a school of square fish. We searched high, and we searched low, but we could not seem to catch a break. I am ashamed to say at times, tempers flared a might warm, and I, as captain, barked a few orders now and then.....may the crew forgive me.

Finally, after weeks of sea and shame, AVAST! We caught our break. A crusty crab let loose he had spotted a school of fast moving square fish off the coast of Japan. We had nary a moment to lose. We set sail for the oriental seas, feeling as though fairer winds were behind us.

I knew when we arrived at our destination, we couldn't risk just dropping our nets and hoping a few square fish would happen into them. Oh no. I had to go the way of the great explorers like Jacques Cousteau who sought other elusive creatures in their natural habitat - creatures like the great white, the colossal squid, the loch-ness monster, the yeti, and the fair deal. I decided I had to step off my ship and go where the fish were, so I did the only thing I could do. I became a fish myself.

A hammerhead shark to be exact. It seemed a natural choice. They are always depicted as such happy fish with all those teeth. Always smiling. Always saying hello to all the other fish. Very sociable from everything I had ever seen.

I took my deep dive and started working my magic. I mingled. I charmed. I said hello to everyone. I talked about the weather. I wished each fish a good day. I asked after their mothers. The only problem was, every time I came near enough to ask any pointed questions about the square fish I was seeking, all of the other fish swam away in fright. As a matter of fact, no one would really talk to me, no matter how nice I was. Even though I smiled my best smile.

I felt so self conscious in fact, I went back to the ship without ever seeing a single square fish. And you know what I found out later? A big secret I wish I had known ahead of time. Sharks aren't really happy fish; they're scary fish! All those teeth are for EATING not SMILING! That's why no one would talk to me! They thought I was hungry, not happy. Boy did I feel silly!

You know what though? That's okay. I also found out the fish I was supposed to be looking for aren't naturally square, and they don't come breaded in the water. I wasn't supposed to be catching flaky, breaded, square fish filets. I was supposed to be catching real live fishies that are pretty and colorful, and I couldn't do that. (To be honest, I kept wondering how the breading on those square fish filets was supposed to keep from getting all soggy in the water anyways.)

So I guess I didn't make a very good fisherman, but I sure had fun shivering up those timbers. You know, you don't have to be the best at everything or even particularly great at most things as long as you can find joy in the things you do. Here's hoping you find your joy in the midst of your fish tales!

Peanut Economics: The "Hare" Raising Adventure of an Easter Bunny Cattle Call

Hello dear friends! In honor of the Easter holiday, I decided to try my paw at one of the most prestigious holiday jobs ever. I answered the call of the Easter Bunny!

It was a cattle call actually, so I put on my ears and away I went. The location of the tryouts was top secret and really hard to find. Thank goodness I had on my magic bunny ears and was able to find the special stick that marked the spot. Otherwise I might have missed my chance.

I was a little nervous when I first arrived because there were so many bunnies there! They were all drinking coffee and eating donuts like crazy. With that much caffeine and sugar being tossed around by so many nervous, high energy bunnies, I knew it was going to be a long, hard day!

The director of the Easter Bunny project came in and gave us all our instructions. There were a series of categories we would be graded on, earning points on them throughout the day. The bunny with the most points at the end of the day would win the title of Easter Bunny. I was hoping to at least win the title of the Easter Bunny under study. (I hear they get paid in jelly beans!)

The first category was the bunny hop. Apparently, they take the bunny hop VERY seriously! I did the best I could, but they said it looked a little too much like I was taking a tinkle, so I only got 5 out of 10 points. Not a very stellar start to the day for me. I was disappointed but undeterred! I still had two more categories to go!

The next category was egg sniffing. Being able to tell the difference between a good egg and a rotten egg is extremely important. As a matter of fact, much of the Easter Bunny's reputation hinges on the ability to prevent rotten eggs from being left for little children. Since I have a powerful, sniffy nose, I knew I had this category in the bag (or the basket!). Yep....the pink one definitely had to go!

The final category was the talent category. Competition was stiff so I knew I had to pull out all the stops! After all, with cooking bunnies, singing bunnies, and furniture arranging bunnies, I had to do something that would help me stand out above the rest. So I did the only thing I could......I performed my world famous bunny tap dance!

My feet flew! I razzled! I dazzled! I had more razz-ma-tazz than all the other bunnies put together. When it was all said and done, I knew I had given it my all. All of the bunnies gave a standing ovation. Even the director had a smile on his face.

It was a very long day, and all of us Easter Bunny hopefuls were exhausted by the end of it. While the officials huddled in their hole to tally all our scores, all us bunnies took a little nap.

Unfortunately, my low bunny hop score disqualified me from being either the Easter Bunny or the Easter Bunny under study. The good news is I made a lot of new bunny friends, and that is way better than a bunch of store bought jelly beans! I realized just because things didn't work out the way I planned, didn't mean I couldn't find the blessings hidden in between the disappointments.

Mommy often says when God closes a door, He often opens a window of blessing. I never really knew what she meant until I walked away from the Easter Bunny cattle call without my Easter Bunny title but then had all my new bunny friends. My title only would have lasted a single day....but my friendships will last the rest of my life. I think in the end I got the better deal. I will take God's window any day!



Happy Easter dear friends and may you find your open window!





Peanut Economics - When the "Fruits" of Your Labor Just Aren't Enough

Hello dear friends. As many of you know during these challenging economic times, I have been on a mission to discover new and inventive means of employment to help alleviate some of the monetary pressures currently facing my family. Since some of my other odd job attempts have been unsuccessful, I thought I would try my paw at something a little more realistic.

Since the post office was on a hiring freeze and already had a negative view towards dogs to begin with, I decided to set my sights on becoming a Fruit of the Loom spokesdog. Since they already had an apple and two giant bunches of grapes, I decided to help them diversify by adding a strawberry to the mix. After all, who doesn't like strawberries?

Well, apparently Fruit of the Loom doesn't. They said I was the wrong species....of fruit that is. They didn't want to change their logo, etc, etc, etc. Well, rather than go back to the drawing board, I decided to use my super fruit brain power and come up with a new plan of attack. I decided to go for broke, and I applied to be a representative of the four major food groups. Why not? Fruits and vegetables are the biggest part of the food pyramid, but I am here to tell you......strawberries have WAY more fun than broccoli!

So I went down to the local branch of the USDA to apply for the job. I was brought into a room with representatives of the other major food groups and was left alone with no instructions and no idea how long it was going to be.

So I waited......and waited.......and waited.......and waited until I thought my eyes were going to bleed from weariness and my back felt like it was going to break from sitting in one place.

Then I got hungry. Really hungry. You see, I was in such a rush that morning, I forgot to eat breakfast, so I did something you should probably never do when you are in a position like the one I was in. I started checking out the other food groups.

Okay, so maybe it was a little more than checking them out....

Needless to say, when my interviewers finally walked in, they were not amused. Apparently, it is FROWNED upon to taste your fellow food groups. Note to the Establishment.......A LITTLE HEADS UP ABOUT THAT UNSPOKEN RULE WOULD HAVE BEEN APPRECIATED BEFORE HAND!!!!

Again, I didn't get the job. But maybe things worked out for the best after all. I don't think I could do the whole underwear model thing anyways, and government jobs can be very stressful, so maybe it is good that things didn't work out there, either. I did learn one thing from the whole embarrassing experience; it is always good to start the day with a good balanced breakfast. Don't worry though. I haven't given up. There's always tomorrow and another odd job.

Until then dear friends, don't forget to eat your fruits and veggies!

Peanut Economics: Undercover Investigations - What Really Goes On Behind Those Reindeer Games

As part of a special edition series of Peanut Economics, I have decided to investigate some of the seemingly innocuous and secretive jobs we all take for granted to find out the truth behind them. Take Santa's reindeer for example. We only hear about their activities one night out of the year, but what about the other 364 days out of the year?

I decided to go undercover to find out what Santa's reindeer were really up to.....

I tracked them down in a back yard in suburbia playing hopscotch and double dutch. I thought I would mingle among the reindeer brethren to get the scoop on their activities....

There was only one problem....they wouldn't let me join in any of their reindeer games...

It was actually kind of mean and hurt my feelings. So I left without my scoop, figuring maybe it wasn't so great to be a reindeer after all, even if you do get to pull Santa's sleigh.

I guess I didn't really get a scoop, but I did learn a really neat lesson. Sometimes, things may seem like they might be better for you if you were walking in another person's shoes, but the reality of that other person's life might not be so great. The person you are envying might not be so great when you get to know them. (I mean what kind of person doesn't let you play in their games?)

At any rate, I am just really glad to be me, and I wouldn't trade shoes with anyone else in the world. I hope you can find joy in your own shoes too!